Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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