It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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