He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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