just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Rumble strips road head = magical
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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