my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
