You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
