Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
