You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
