her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
