I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
