new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
