when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
