I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
