The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
