The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
