I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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