ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
