this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
