if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
