She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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