fuck your aforementioned shoe
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
