Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
