you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
