I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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