It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
