the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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