Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
