There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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