how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
