We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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