i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
