I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
