filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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