It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
