hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
