it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
