we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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