it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we're making bets on your personal life
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
