I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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