Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
