Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Holy sore nipples Batman
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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