i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
