Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
