so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
