How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
