Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
