I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
