Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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