he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
A+ Viking dick
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
