You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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