why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
