How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
