i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
